ENIGMATIME

HUMOR

If someone falls down a flight of stairs, that’s not funny, but if a guy tells his wife to be careful on descending the stairs and falls down the stairs himself, that’s funny.   Men will confess to murder, arson and all kinds of crimes, but never that they lack a sense of humor.  Mark Twain declared that “the secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.  There is no humor in heaven.”  According to James Thurber, humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility.”  Engaging in humor calls for the use of grace since everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.   Usually a humorous joke is funnier if it’s told by someone who makes you laugh, like a favorite comedian e.g..  Rodney Dangerfield said, “My wife and I were happy for 20 years, and then we met.”  Milton Berle claimed that, “You can send a man to congress, but you can’t make him think.”  During a roast of President Ronald Reagan, Jonathon Winters remarked that he was mystified that of all the great universities in America, the president chose to attend Eureka College.  It got the biggest laugh of the night.  And what about wit?  Fuller said that, “Men never think their fortune too big, nor their wit too little.”  Shakespeare said, ”Brevity is the soul of wit,” while Maugham claimed. “Impropriety is the soul of wit.”  For me, wit is to be feared.  I prefer clowns like Red Skelton who made me laugh just to see him.  He once summed up politics as “Congress, Bingo with billions.”  He also said, “No matter what your heartache may be, laugher will help you to forget it for a few seconds.”  Marriage is a favorite subject for comics: Skelton noted, “All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” And who could forget Henny Youngman who opened every act with, “Take my wife – please.”  For me, what could be funnier than someone saying, “Have a good day.”

CELIBACY

Now that the Pope has retired and that the naming of a new one is in the works, what changes will occur?  Itty bitty ones about obscure issues or Bulls that proclaim the Church is ready for the realities of the modern world?  The common man is easily disturbed about change, while the mere thought of change seems to paralyze the Church hierarchy.  Contrast the present day pomp and circumstances of the Church with the conduct of Jesus and his disciples who wore the clothes of the common worker.  Compare the lifestyle of the first pope, Simon Peter, known as Saint Peter, a lowly fisherman, with that of the current pontiff.  Peter and the other apostles had wives.  Paul and Barnabas, who traveled together in their early missionary work, apparently did not have wives.  Paul objected to the apostles taking their wives along on trips made to spread the word.  How do these facts justify celibacy?  Enigmatically, mandatory priestly celibacy is not a doctrine or dogma of the Roman Catholic Church, rather it is a principle or rule.  Celibacy is part of virtually all religions, though Mohammed specifically urged believers to have families. Psychologically, the urge to procreate seems wholly instinctive, which proves, in many instances, over time, to subvert the original pledge of the cleric to refrain from sexual conduct.  Abstaining from inappropriate sexual intercourse is a discipline practiced by civilized members of society, though the exceptions to this rule are varied, which frequently has led to the dissolution of marriages and friendships with a myriad of consequences.  Just maybe, the new pope will issue a papal bull eliminating the principle of celibacy and allowing its clergy to marry.  It would be a step into the reality of our age.

MY NAME IS WAR

I am the God of War, never wrong, indestructible, a minor deity, a speck in the eye

of the Great God, the CREATOR of ALL.  I existed before time and will flourish long

after time has run out.  Billions of years before Earth existed, there were wars In the

universe, which continue to rage.  Hapless, tiny earth, wandering in circles around

the sun, holds little regard from the rest of the universe.  After earth was born, wars

were mere tribal affairs fought with spears and arrows.  With the discovery of iron,

battles saw men in armor using swords, nations engaging nations.  Then came black

powder and guns and World Wars.  In the future, wars will be fought with nuclear

weapons, causing the self-destruction of earth.  My efforts bring great rewards such

as land, treasure and slaves.  I am always ready and willing to carry out your wishes.

I play no favorites. The outcome and consequences mean nothing to me, I am justice.

THE BLACKMAIL PARTY

Imagine walking in the halls of congress and hearing a dirge by Bach.  You drift to the source of the sound and discover that it comes from behind a door marked GOP in private session.  Conjuring up your telegraphic senses you envision grim faced men pouring over a plan to throw millions out of useful work while simultaneously granting the well off invaluable perks.  Seeing these ghoulish figures rubbing their hands in delight as if rewriting Dicken’s A Christmas Carol to end without a happy conclusion, effusing glee by believing they will have their way by refusing to raise the debt ceiling.  Past GOP members still boast about the times they shut down the government, ignoring the great harm those actions caused.  Ah yes, our well-financed GOP leaders are hard at work in the dark with blackmail in their hearts.  When your personal larders runneth over, it does make it hard to understand that our economy is suffering, which means people are in need of meaningful work that goes undone, like our failing nation’s infrastructure, the educational system, vital research and environmental programs.  And the dirge plays on.

DYSFUNCTION

If someone asked you to submit your design for a high-speed rail system from San Diego to Seattle, you might defer that challenge.  But if you were asked to give an opinion about the nation’s debt ceiling, chances are you’d have something to say about it.  Our leaders in Washington are all experts on the question of what to do about the debt, with opinions ranging from “Not to worry” to the “Sky is falling.”  The “Not to worry” crowd call for a balanced approach, while the “Sky is falling group” demand austerity in government spending.  There are scads of engineering companies that can build a high-speed rail system and have done so all over the world (except here in the U.S.}.  But nowhere in the world has anyone found a way to build a sustainable economic system.  And yet, our political leaders all say they have the answer, but no proof and no record to back up their claims.  In the US of A, a major problem is in our Constitution, which set the stage for dysfunctional government way back in 1787 by deciding that only the House can propose spending.  This is the basic cause of our gridlock.  The House, time and again, has used this constitutional power to have its way, but only for political purposes rather than to promote a sustainable economic policy.  The focus of politicians is always on the next election, which is every two years, instead of on the long term future of the country.  It’s called “Kicking the can down the road.”  The Constitution has bestowed many fine rights on our people, but the power it granted the House is crippling the need to invest and grow our economy for the good of all.  We got rid of the slavery part, so until we change the power of the House, our adherence to the Constitution will continue to keep the nation in its dysfunctional grip.

SUGAR THE CULPRIT?

What’s not to like about ice cream, especially your favorite flavor?  Who among us lacks a sweet tooth?  Yum, yum!  Let’s have seconds on a sugary drink!  Wait, there’s a kill joy in our midst.  Dr. Robert Lustig, a UCSF pediatric endocrinologist, has labeled sugar a toxic ingredient in our food supply that is responsible for the meteoric rise in diabetes and obesity.  Dr. Lustig claims that sugar, especially high-fructose corn syrup, taken in large quantities, drives up insulin secretion.  Insulin triggers its use as energy or as fat, mainly in the liver.  Insulin blocks a hormone called leptin, which tells the brain how much energy we need.  The lack of leptin signals our brain to eat more and move less.  Dr. Lustig has just written a book called Fat Chance, warning the public about the toxic nature of the excessive use of sugar in our diet.  He maintains that our entire food chain is loaded with sugar, which is feeding our addiction to the sweet stuff.  If you think kicking the habit of cigarettes was tough, wait ‘til you try to lessen the intake of sugar.  Good Luck!

THE POWER OF CHANGE

For somebody like me that is a product of the American Way,  I wonder what happened to all those great promises our country once offered to everyone?  Am I missing something?  Born in the backwoods in 1920, I had dreams that all came true.  I got a good education, landed a good job, and married a beautiful woman who presented me with nine kids.  We owned our house, never missed a meal, earned a fine retirement and are now residing in a very nice senior facility with my wife of 62 years.  When I think of the condition of our nation back when I was born as compared to now, it boggles my mind.  Radio, Talkies, TV, a national highway system, airplanes, the internet, space exploration, better health care: all of these things developed in my life span!  Have we grown tired?  Has everything become déjà vu?  Ask yourself, “Can the average kid today look forward to a better America tomorrow?”  “Can the average family believe that things will get better?  It never crossed my mind that things weren’t going to improve back then.  Of course there was hunger, injustice, and challenges galore, but we faced them all and worked to make things better, always with an eye on the future.  Now, some people say we went too far and have to scale back our dreams to put things right again.  They say the party is over.  Sadly, lots of plain folk agree with these naysayers.  Have we stopped looking forward?  Killing most things is a crime, but killing dreams is the greatest crime of all.  What kind of person would participate in such a despicable evil?  Maybe, we need to take a closer look at these negativists who seem to be well heeled, without a soul, and inclined to speak with a forked tongue.  Their power is immense, but the power of the people is even greater.  We need to crush the apartheid that has grown throughout the states.  The rich control the media and our legislatures, including congress.  It’s time for the youth to become involved and lead us back to the time when every person believed that our dreams were sacrosanct.  Without hope, a people will falter and perish.

DRAGONS

Gone are the times of knights rescuing fair ladies, when fire-breathing dragons lurked in hidden caves  - ever ready to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting public whose only hope was a brave Lancelot in armor to challenge the heartless, ugly beast with his mighty sword.  Ah, those were the days we all read about, which gave cause to stir the hope that lives in our hearts that continues to feed our belief in miracles.  When dire circumstances arise, the people expect a savior to appear and right wrong, thereby preserving that sacred belief in decency and justice.

But wait – perhaps, in plain view, that evil dragon still exists and is even more voracious than those that once preyed upon the people of yore.  Attired in tailor-made suits, the new dragon parades in public as a proud dandy, the envy of all.  Under the cover of laws generated by his well-financed supporters in legislatures across the land that suit his needs, he swoops in to seize faltering corporations, taking their assets as personal gain and leaving its employees at his mercy.  The new dragon carefully works to undermine worker benefits, which places them at great disadvantage until those workers are begging for any job.  States that have enacted “right to work”  laws enable those states to lure companies away from states that actually respect labor.

Our modern dragon is supposedly God-fearing and holds revered positions on the boards of religious, civic and educational institutions as cover for its rapacious conduct that has created an oligarchy in place of our constitutional democracy.  Will a valiant knight on a white horse suddenly appear to challenge this modern dragon that poses as a Dorian Gray.  Dorian possessed a visage of true beauty, which he knew would soon fade so he sold his soul to preserve his looks to have his true appearance be reflected on his portrait a friend had painted.  Dorian then devoted his life to beauty and the fulfillment of the senses, engaging in unspeakable bebauchery.  Such has been the conduct of the new dragon who has caused millions to lose their homes, their dreams and to inherit a bleak future all in order to  increase the dragon’s wealth and pleasure. Has the flame of such hope expired in the breasts of our citizenry?  We can only wait and see.

BIBLICAL TRUTH

If there is such a thing as Biblical Truth why are there so many different Christian churches?  Each one claims to have the Truth, the Real Truth.  Where in the Bible did Jesus ever say one word about abortion, same-sex marriage or any of the things that bug some religious groups?  So many churches do such wonderful things like educating, feeding, counseling and running hospitals.  Right now, there’s a group in Arizona that has raised a 46 million dollar defense fund to encourage pastors to incite the IRS to investigate their conduct by deliberately preaching partisan politics from the pulpit in direct violation of the 1954 Federal law that forbids such conduct at the risk of losing a tax benefit.  The IRS has rarely, if ever, enforced this law so what’s the beef?  It appears that the effort was designed to cloak anti-Obama measures to defeat his race for reelection.  $46 million dollars would have helped the victims of Hurricane Sandy or so many other worthy causes instead of spending it on an illegal, useless purpose.   As it turned out, the incumbent got reelected anyway,  The Congress is toying with eliminating loopholes in our mindless tax policies. The 1954 tax exemption for religious groups might be one loophole to consider in the quest to increase revenue to lower the debt.  Then the churches could rail against the government legally to their heart’s content, thereby obtaining their true goal.

MAYAN DOOMSDAY

Have you heard the claim that on 12/21/12 the Mayan calendar comes up all zeros foretelling the end of time?  Regarding past apocalyptic claims, only the virtuous escaped doom, but with the 12/21/12 event it’s curtains for all life and more.  Predicting the time and place of an apocalyptic occurrence during the spring or summer seemed well-founded, but four days before Christmas is most unseemly when one thinks of Santa Claus at the ready with his reindeer and sleigh full of gifts sailing off to oblivion instead of being distributed to expectant gleeful souls.  Not even Charles Dickens could have handled that scenario.  Were Mayans a bunch of Grinches?  Lawrence E. Joseph’s book, Apocalyptic 2012, developed the theories of wandering poles and waning magnetic fields as the basis for his end-of-time Mayan prediction.  American history is rife with apocalyptic fervor and events with Y2K the latest.  The media has given the 12/21 scene substantial coverage with scenes of people and things soaring off into space because the force of gravity has suddenly disappeared.  Does this mean that those that are hunkered down at home will be plastered up against the ceiling of the residences or places of work?  Or, will whole buildings also be subject to taking off to some galaxy far from earth?  With this catastrophe fast approaching, it makes concern over things like the fiscal cliff, the crushing national debt and Black Friday seem quite paltry.