WHAT THIS COUNTRY NEEDS IS ANOTHER TEXAS GOVERNOR

Watching the debate among candidates for the Republican nomination, I was impressed when each candidate said what their first act would be when they took their place in the Oval Office. Although my man, Rick, didn’t say it, I knew in my heart that his first act would be to let Texas cede from the union, his long publicly stated dream. Next, he would work hard to help other unhappy members of our union to cede as well.
Imagine the sigh of relief that all those states south of the Mason-Dixon line would make, after all those years of unfair Yankee rule discriminating against the Whites. Free at last of all that humiliating federal aid the north imposed on its proud people. And all those unfair EPA regulations that burdened the good faith efforts of southern businesses to protect the environment.
Rick’s action will unleash some heavy lawsuits by the Feds, which will want to be compensated for all those storage sheds they built to house those millions of tons of unwanted price supported peanuts. As president, perhaps he will issue an executive order ceding the national highway system; military bases, VA hospitals as well as all those federally operated national parks to the new southland. With pen in hand and God nearby, the reporters will record his historic act when he signs the decree, unleashing Tweets galore that will carry the news to the world.
The UN will be shaking its head in wonder when Rick, as president of what’s left of the north, applies for admission for his finally independent Southland. There’s a bright side to all of this because the north will finally be able to balance its budget with the countless billions that were sent each year to prop up the welfare states of the south. With a balanced budget as a touted accomplishment, Rick is certain to be reelected.
Yes, what this country needs is Rick Perry as the new president. How many remember John Nance “Cactus Jack” Garner? He was a Texan who served as Speaker of the House and became VP under FDR for eight years? He was known for having once said, “What this country needs is a good 5 cent cigar.” Let’s give Rick a chance to top that. Perhaps he will choose Bush’s famous claim,” Mission Accomplished” and really mean it when the UN adopts the new Southland into its family of nations.
As president, Rick can send his VP, Michele Bachmann, out into the hinterlands collecting evidence about the dangers of science.” Together they can they can explain to the American public how they went “out there” and got the evidence about all those theories still unproven because the evidence was still “out there,” exposing all those scientist whose only purpose is to generate grants to keep working on all those theories whose evidence is still “out there.”